good quote

" In my opinion, the great single need of the moment is that light-hearted superficial religionists be struck down with a vision of God high and lifted up, with His train filling the temple. The holy art of worship seems to have passed away like the Shekinah glory from the tabernacle. As a result, we are left to our own devices and forced to make up the lack of spontaneous worship by ...bringing in countless cheap and tawdry activities to hold the attention of the church people." ~ A.W. Tozer

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Norhterners visiting or moving to Southern States Guidelines

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles.

1.) If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2.) Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

3.) Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

4.) Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

5.) You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

6.) Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying, they can't understand you either.

7.) The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big 'ol," as in "big 'ol truck" or "big 'ol boy". Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

8.) The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

9.) Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

10.) If you hear a Southerner exclaim "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

11.) If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

12.) When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

13.) Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to aim.

14.) In the south we have found that the best way to grow a lush, green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

15.) If you do settle in the south and bear children, don't think we will accept them as southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Sorry, but no, I didn't write this. A friend sent it to me in e-mail. I got such a kick out of it that I wanted to share it!

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